In July and August, espnWs weekly essay series will focus on body image.Ive never felt so beautiful in my life. Women arent supposed to say such things.At 32, Im surprised to find myself divorced and childless. Though this is not at all how I imagined my life, I dont begrudge it. There is nothing I hate about myself. When I look in the mirror, Im satisfied with what I see, which some days feels like a miracle considering the world we live in. Even when I do doubt myself -- I refuse to slide into a vortex of self-criticism.I dont know how many times I have found myself among groups of women flagellating themselves about their physical appearance. ... I hate my thighs. My breasts are too small. I wish I had a bigger ass. I cant stand my crows feet. ... The self-criticism can get ruthless, and years ago I decided I would never participate in these kinds of pile ons.I didnt all of a sudden adopt Beyoncés Flawless as my anthem. I didnt one day get up and decide to become the subject of a sappy Dove commercial. The self-love took years of focused, and painstaking, effort. The relationship I have with both my body and my mind has gone through a transformational shift in the past few years. Ive always loved being a woman, but Ive just now begun to embrace my femaleness with a sense of exuberance.Last year I discovered that I love to run. My fondness of running came as a surprise to me because I hated sports as a child; I was so uncoordinated that kids would groan when I was placed on their teams in gym class. I felt awkward, ugly because of my growing breasts, and embarrassed of my chubby body and clumsiness.I saw running as a chore, a way to counteract my love of burgers and beer and maintain my weight. As I was recovering from a horrific bout of depression, however, I increased my distance, and running became a salve for me. Running was part of the cocktail to treat my mental illness -- therapy, Prozac and my Buddhist practice. After my separation from my husband last winter, it became even more cathartic. I began to enjoy the feeling of exhaustion, the breathlessness.For that hour, I was disconnected from all forms of communication and felt fused with my environment. Running was a meditative experience and I was flooded with creativity. The solitude allowed my mind to make leaps that it hadnt made before. I gave myself pep talks on my runs. You are a bad-ass bitch, I would say to myself. You can do anything. Love yourself, you dummy! It was hokey, but it worked. I pushed myself in ways that were unfamiliar to me. I was running for five-mile stretches several times a week. The ache of my muscles afterward was satisfying because it reminded me of what my body had done.The exercise boosted my endorphins as well as my confidence. My back became firm, my posture improved, my ass was well-sculpted, and my stumpy little legs were now tight and powerful. Not only that, I had more energy and my clothes fit me like a goddamn dream.It wasnt until I began to run more seriously that I realized what I was missing. There is a sense of liberation that comes from running through the city. Not only does it exhilarate my body, dodging traffic and jumping over broken glass and dead rats makes me feel like a tough broad. I find the solitude fortifying.It was inevitable that this feeling of transcendence manifested in other realms of my life. Older women always tell me how wonderful their 30s were in contrast to their 20s. This is the time when you finally figure yourself out and grow into your own. Well, theyre right. I spent my younger years clawing my way up in my career, feeling insecure about my body, and letting men treat me like garbage. Now that Im a grown woman, I like who I am. I know exactly what I want and what I deserve.As I have become more self-assured and in-tune with my body, Ive entered what feels like a sexual awakening, which I suppose is not surprising. They say that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s because this is when we feel most comfortable with our bodies and sexuality.In fact, a study found that women feel their sexiest at 34. An article published in 2010 in the journal of Personality and Individual Differences also found that women aged 27 through 45 are significantly more sexual than younger women. This particular study posited that the increase in sex drive is biological -- women become more sexually active as their fertility begins to drop. Whatever the reason may be, its real and my desire to have children has followed, a feeling so intense that the other day I saw a beautiful pregnant woman walking down the street and sobbed. My tears were both startling and embarrassing. Part of me felt betrayed by the body I had worked so hard to strengthen and love.I feel like Im brimming with possibilities at this moment in my life. And as Ive reached this precipice -- spiritually, emotionally, and physically -- I find myself single. I cant decide if this is ironic because I know Im definitely not the only one experiencing this. Im surrounded by beautiful and accomplished women who are similarly alone. Are we frightening? I often wonder. Is our power perceived as emasculating in a world built on male fragility?Dont get me wrong. In no way do I find our lives tragic or sad. The women I know are fierce as hell. And despite the incertitude I feel about myself at times, I know that Im flourishing, that Im a complex and complete woman.I feel sorry for those who are incapable of sharing this abundance.Erika L. Sánchez is a poet, essayist and fiction writer. She is the author of Lessons on Expulsion (Graywolf 2017) and Brown Girl Problems (Knopf 2017). Her nonfiction has appeared in Al Jazeera, The Guardian, Rolling Stone and many other publications. She has received a CantoMundo Fellowship, a Discovery/Boston Review Poetry Prize, and a Ruth Lilly and Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Poetry Fellowship from the Poetry Foundation. Vapormax Womens Clearance . A lawyer for MLB, Matthew Menchel, confirmed Wednesday the league dropped its case against Biogenesis of America, its owner Anthony Bosch and several other individuals. The lawsuit had accused Biogenesis and Bosch of conspiring with players to violate their contracts by providing them with banned performance-enhancing substances. Nike Air VaporMax 2.0 Floral Pure Platinum+Arctic Pink-White . Reigning world champion Eve Muirhead of Scotland opened with a 12-2 rout of Winnipegs Jennifer Jones in a battle of teams bound for the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. http://www.clearancevapormax.com/ . After slipping from the summit during the week, the Gunners overcame struggling Crystal Palace 2-0 on Sunday thanks to Alex Oxlade-Chamberlains second-half brace. Wholesale Vapormax 2 . Tomas Berdych and Radek Stepanek defeated Nenad Zimonjic and Ilija Bozoljac 6-2, 6-4, 7-6 (4) on the indoor hard-court at Belgrade Arena. The victory improved the Czech pairs impressive cup doubles record to 14-1. Wholesale Vapormax 2 Flyknit . Jim Rutherford, President and General Manager of the Carolina Hurricanes, announced Wednesday that the team would assign Swedish forward Elias Lindholm to his nations team for the upcoming tournament. SUNRISE, Fla. -- For Shawn Thornton, the moment will be bittersweet.The Florida Panthers will unveil their Atlantic Division championship banner on Thursday night, the last official piece of last seasons business before this new season opens at home against the New Jersey Devils.For fans, itll be a nice moment. For players, maybe not so much.Its cool that theres a banner going up, Thornton said. But in my opinion, theres only one banner that counts.Theres still no Stanley Cup in the Panthers collection, a void the team thinks it has a legitimate shot at filling this season. Boasting a mix of veterans -- Jaromir Jagr is 44 and led the team in scoring last season, Thornton is likely going into his last season at 39, goalie Roberto Luongo is 37 and still seeking his first touch of hockeys chalice -- and a talented young core, expectations are probably higher around Florida than ever.Luongo thinks even the division banner will serve as a motivator.I think more than anything its going to remind everybody of the work that you need to put in to be successful in the regular season, Luongo said. Its a long year. Its a grind. Its not something that just happens. You have to put in the work. You have to sacrifice.Luongo even being on the ice for opening night shows that he put in plenty of work.He had hip surgery in May and the Panthers were far from convinced this summer that their No. 1 goalie would be ready to go when the ggames started counting for real.dddddddddddd They even made certain deals this offseason with the belief that Luongo might be sidelined for the early portion of the regular season, doing so out of an abundance of caution.But Luongo went through an aggressive rehab program and got back on the ice in plenty of time for camp and the season.I wouldnt have known exactly what to expect, Luongo said, when asked if he would have guessed in May that he would be ready in October. But its here and were excited. I think as a group, we want to get it going and start off on the right foot. Its like a kid on Christmas Eve.Panthers coach Gerard Gallant wasnt surprised that Luongo was ready this soon.I know Louie works hard in the offseason and works hard with his therapy, Gallant said. So no, I was expecting him to be ready.Florida is coming off the best regular season in franchise history -- with club records for wins (47), points (103) and a 12-game winning streak in there as well.Even though the postseason ended in the first round, the Panthers know they arent looked upon as doormats any more.Everybody knows were a good team, Gallant said. Were not going to sneak up on anybody. The last two years results were positive results and anybody that comes in here knows that they have to play well to beat us. ' ' '